Aug 23, 2012

at 12:48 AM

You won't understand.

Stress level overflowed.

I hate it every time I discovered this. Cause I can't tell people I'm stressed.

Reason why, because I don't want people to think like, who are you to say you are stressed? Wanna compare with me? Yeah everyone says that. So nobody would understand.

Stress is one thing. Expectation is another.
Some would say they're stressed because they just can't study, they have no idea what to do. Some were because no matter how much they study, they just can't get a thing. Some would be stressed simply because they're too good and they do not know what else to study.

Expectation, my level of stress is always based on my expectation.

Digest it, that's my theory.

Needed to chill with this.

Just received a gift from somebody. Also a blessing from God.
He sure knows how much I needed a phone.
Well, smartphone is never my thing, cause me no likey touchscreen.
But as much as I dislike it, the games are very distracting.

At the same time, it can be such a great motivation for myself to study.

Either way, the outcome is good I guess.

Thank You Jesus.

Nights People.

Aug 17, 2012

at 12:29 AM

Trembling, Trolling

Often, we like to ask,
why can't I have it?
why can't I be like them?
why can't I be better?

At least for me it happened very often.

How many time have you actually looked at people's life and say, 'hey I want that.'
I don't literally say that, but I do get envy (sometimes) when I see something people have and I don't, something that I wish to have but just can't have. Crap, how crappy is that?

Be contented, be thankful.

Yeh, I've heard that for countless of times, but when I look deep to the core, am I really contented? Satisfied with just what I have now? I have to constantly remind myself. I have enough, God always provide. Stuff like that.

I mean, I'm not saying I don't have good stuff. But really, I tend to get distracted and again, ask, 'why can't I have that.' Ugh, disgusting. You may say oh, another wannabe. No I don't want to be like them, I want to be myself and have what they have.

I'm gonna be really open here, since this is my blog, my space.
Take it or leave it.

Everybody wants to be better, don't come telling me you want to stay where you are forever. I'm fighting real hard to strive for a better self, better life, better quality, just on everything. I get so tired of telling myself, 'don't worry, you'll have it someday, after all you're only 19'

Crap. COME ON Joey. You're going to 20, no more a teenage girl. Yes this is WHAT I'm telling myself now. You won't get shish if you're just gonna sit there and rot and expect somebody to FIX your life. No no no, that's gonna be out of my head soon.

I'm big enough to handle myself, big enough to fix my own life.
Of course, God will still be my ultimate role model. =)
I believe everybody has a very unique way of living. Don't you think so?
Even with the same kind of thinking or mindset, you can still live a life with quality and NOT quantity.

Even Michael Jackson the pop star has haters.
Even Ryan Higa the number one on Youtube has haters.
Even Jesus the Almighty has haters.

Well again, haters gonna hate. No matter how perfect you are, people just have to find fault in you. How true is that. You just can't please everybody on earth. We live to please God, not man.

But I'm not gonna go all holy here. I just wish to have a better life to live, never stop chasing, never stop striving, never stop fighting. As I grow older, I realize my ego has increased, I play game to win, I talk to dominate, I choose the best, and that's not a very good thing. At least not too extreme. Just did the temperament test again, I was a Sanguine. But now...

Still Sanguine. Rawr.

I want a better life. I want quality.

Quality, yes that's the word.

Blogging, with just the right atmosphere.
Coffee, lighting, music.

Only thing, is my cam quality.
And yet again,




Aug 9, 2012

at 12:38 AM

I'm emo! =)

Don't worry, i haz my ways to cheer myself up!

I've been studying these days.
But slacking around, still.

I'm never good at grinning.

I look like I have tummy.

I'm tired.


Don't leave,
Don't change.



Aug 5, 2012

at 1:05 AM

I ain't a loner.

I can't be too stubborn.

Mood swing is here again. When i say mood swing, you should be able to guess what it really is. If you don't, s'alright.

I've been studying much this whole week, totally an unexpectedly productive week. Thanks to my bud, her time, her place, her bed, and her lamp. (*screamsforryanhiga!) =x

Oh forget it, he can't save me.

When I blog, it's either life has too much until one point I have to share them, or simply, I'm emo.

As much as I love to be alone all the time, I need somebody to rely on sometimes, too. I forgot how many times I've repeated. But still, when I'm emo, you better not touch me. If you realize I'm not replying or not answering much of your questions, then leave me alone.(or not.)

I can't stop myself, it's just me. But most people don't get to see me in such condition. Cuz when I know I am, I walk away. I don't want to go offending people all around and get shits later. But if you do see me like that, then I need you.

Sometimes, even the person that I'm so close with, don't understand what I needed. Nah, nobody's fault. It's again, myself. I sometimes don't tell directly WHAT I NEEDED cause well, I'm always hard to handle. SO, I don't leave the job to anybody else, I walk to a corner, and rot myself till I die. Emotionally, that is.

I never want to affect people with my mood, but if you sense it from me, again you're somebody really important to me. Someone whom I can pour my heart out, anytime, anywhere, any way I want, not having to bother if I'm disturbing or not. Apparently, I found none yet.

Normal, isn't it. Everybody has their own life, what good is it to mess people's life with mine. No really, I can take it, after all, I still have blogspot, and very blog post speaks my heart out. If you care enough, you would find this out. Or else, forget it.

I watched a movie in church today, title was '3 Idiots'.. Some scenes were really familiar, saw them in youtube i guess. Anyway that movie was totally awesome. It was like the most unexpected movie I've seen. The first movie that gave me that kinda feeling. Cuz you know, most of the time the endings were expected. This movie, taught me something really valuable.

Life is a circus, life is a race. Simple as that.

I'm not much a deep thinker, but when I'm alone, my mind races.
I love to do things alone, even my friends say that.
But doesn't mean I'm a loner.

I need time.
To recover.

If you think you can't help me, say nothing.

Signing off.

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