Nov 29, 2012

at 2:15 PM

Jealousy is shit.

Isn't it funny how guys and girls see jealousy differently?

I've had enough of jealousy that kills me to the max. Each time I'm jealous I tell myself, I don't care anymore, do whatever you like and I'm not gonna feel crap ever again.

Failing badly each time.

Or sometimes, I'd tell myself that no matter how jealous I am, I'm gonna keep quiet like nothing happened, I'm not gonna let him know how I feel, what I know and how terrible I'm feeling.

Well I did success sometimes to not say a single word. Nobody knows anything, but I can't deny the fact that it was seriously tearing my heart apart. It won't affect anything if I'm the only one suffering. Cause I know the feeling would fade away some moment later.

But that doesn't work for me for long. I can't take it anymore. So I realized I'm expressing it more lately. But here's the bad thing about it. The more I express, the deeper the scar is. In the end I succeeded by expressing, I felt better, but it made things worse.

I don't know if anyone would understand that same feeling but crap it's making me feeling worse and worse. I don't even know if expressing it here now is the right thing to do.

I would always be wondering how could someone possibly feel NOTHING when the person you have feelings for pay more attention to other people than you. And now I feel like a selfish pig wanting to own the whole puddle of mud all to myself without sharing with other pigs. Well even thou I could have described in a better way.

But here's my confession....

It's not like I want you to stop doing what you're doing. Cause things you're doing aren't wrong..they're normal and everybody does that. I guess I just feel insecure. Or I just wish you would make me feel better in any way. Or I just think that I'm good at nothing. Or maybe, I just wish you knew how much it means to always make me feel that I'm the best.

I'm feeling worse of myself now..

It's also funny sometimes, that you'd feel so differently when the same thing is said by different people. For instance, you would feel normal when people tells you you're so beautiful. And when somebody that matters tell you that, you'd feel like you're flying and you know that is sincere (or you would like to think it is) and wish you could tell the whole world what you just heard.

Oh sigh...
I can't continue from here..I doubt I'd even finish expressing.

I'm just wondering and not gonna stop wondering..
That if one day I don't get jealous anymore..would you even notice?








Something must be wrong with me.
):






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Nov 28, 2012

at 11:22 PM

Can't get any HIGHer.

Can't find words to describe the satisfaction after cleaning house for an hour plus. Despite the tiredness I actually felt good. But I never knew it could be that tiring. I feel you mom, I feel you.

So mother and brother are coming back from their holiday trip tomorrow at about 4am. This whole week has been bad, house was in a total disaster and I was all alone, had to cook my own dinner and deal with exam all alone.

Had fun on the cooking part thou. I almost overslept for my paper on Monday. Set alarm but phone battery died. Thank goodness dad remembered to wake me up. So far 5 papers down, 3 more to go next week. I'm losing my hope on myself, and I'd say nothing reaches my target.

Anyway isn't that sickening.. I mean, I feel like I'm always saying the same thing over and over again. Haihs. Starting to wonder if Form6 is really the best for me.. Wait, it's too late to ask questions now. Aihs!

Just came here to update a lil.
I'm so tiredd, gonna get a goooood sleep tonight.

Ciao! =)

p/s: okay title is contradicting with content.
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Nov 24, 2012

at 12:16 AM

A God that provides.

A few people to thank, and the One Above, to give glory to.

First of all He's a God that provides. And the story goes like this..

There was this camp that I really, really don't want to miss.
As much as I want to go, it still let me down cuz the fees, are definitely out of my budget.

Being filled with disappointment, I thoguht that was it and didn't ask for help.
Or should I say I didn't put in effort to find ways cause people always say there's a will there's a way. Anyway, I've actually forgotten bout the whole thing, being so caught up with exams and stuff, you know.

I received a call yesterday and somebody just offered to cover half of the fees for me. I was still hesitating, cause even half of it was alot for me.. But later I thought maybe I shouldn't let this person down, so after saying thanks like countless of times, I agreed and decided to spend al my savings for it.. (sadden) I know I'm gonna be so blessed in this camp, so I was pain at heart but excited at my whole body system. (doesn't make sense, ignore it.)

The call was in the evening. And that same night, somebody else just gave me money for no reason. Can you believe it? I'm pretty sure this person has no idea at all of this camp thing. So again saying countless times of thanks..I started to think that maybe God just wants me to go this much. He sure has something else for me. =)

You think that was it?
I paid for the camp just now. And realized that was all of my savings. That much I have left. Sigh.. Came home thinkin that I'm really gonna starve to death for the followin weeks. An hour later I got another round of money-from-no-where. I can't be more grateful you see..just cant..

Point is, I didn't even pray for it, He just provides. =)

Thanks to all of the people above.
And one more to thank.

You see people, sometimes we just think that things come too easy. We tend to take things for granted in the end and not show any gratitude for anything. I remember reading a post at a friend's blog and she was thanking the Lord for something. Then I was reminded that God is a God that provides, and He has His plans beforehand, yes even before we ask. Her post just spoke to me that sometimes we thank everyone else but God.

So I figured this might be a reminder to whoever that's reading this too.
So happened thanksgiving just over, thou we don't celebrate much here in Malaysia.

Be grateful guys, to every thing that's happening, 
and most of all, give glory to our Almighty God. 
Amen. =)





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Nov 23, 2012

at 1:44 AM

Very, random. (:

I know most of my post titles don't make sense.
Or most don't relate to the content. This time it's gonna be right k x) nyahaha.

So I stayed at aunt's place for another 3 days without Wifi.
Feels great, made me realize that there are actually plenty of things I could do without Internet. heh =) Other than studyin of course. Really, I got out of bed later than usual just to give myself excuses not to look at books for a longer time. Sigh Imma vomit soon..STPM is no joke aite.

2 papers down, 6 to go.
I'm already numb. Was talking to a few people and all of'em asked the same question. I didn't even know how to answer a simple question like 'hows exam?' I just have to say it's tearin me apart..not very serious, but at least terrible enough to make me forget what is life all about D:

Anyways, I've been watching Glee season2 to help me de-stress.
I'm totally in love with it..the music, especially. They sang all the songs in their own style and some really took me time to realize the original ones. Sigh how can they be just so perfect?
Also it's so emotional at the same time..well, some characters just fit so perfectly in some people around me. It made me imagine stuff and did alot of thinking. Funny how it actually made such impact on me.

It's 1am and i have a few aunts here at my place, ready to leave for a trip to HK.
Mother and lil brother are both going. Which means, I'll be so lonely at home till next Thursday..just with daddy coming back occasionally after work to make sure I don't die of hunger every now and then. That's it, I'm alone. Reminds me of the movie Home Alone. Whee. :3

Kinda exciting, fighting for exam alone, coming back home alone, live alone, eat alone, die alone. RAWR. Lovin that, in a way. Baby promised to be there for me aww....althou he HAS to be there with or without me being alone, just still so sweet wheeee lalalalalalala. .__.

Kk, sleep soon. I'm tired.
=)
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Nov 18, 2012

at 12:38 PM

Crappy.

Each time I drink coffee, I feel like bloggin lol.
Just a feelin.

Well today's the last day before exam starts.
I can't really tell you how I'm feelin.
This is totally nothin like PMR or SPM.
Those are games. High level games.
But this is no joke, it's life or death.

Everybody's updatin their progress in facebook. Well not everybody.
But those who updates seems ready.
Group studies, tips, wishes, excitements.
I had none.

What can I say.
I'm so unstable.
I can goo all out sumtimes, and lazin around the other.
Dang, Joey you suck.

I can't even answer a question from my friend.
That's for tomorrow's paper.
Lol.

Anyway, brother is getting his UPSR results tomorrow.
He sure is anticipatin, he even asked us NOT to mention.
x)

Cute brother is cute.
Well I do hope he gets better result than me and sister last time.
But either way I'm proud of him, in so many ways.
For once, I feel like a big biggie sister. :3

Whee.
Kk gonna study.
Jiayou self.


=)

I'm so gonna miss this feeling.

Last day.
LAST!!!
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Nov 17, 2012

at 12:30 AM

Lazing around.

I suck at opening. 
So I'll start by letting you to see my sweeet pretty face first kayy. 
:3


chak! xD

Well this mornin I came back from aunt's mini palace. It sure was a great great place. I mean despite hvin no internet connection at all, it totally helped me to study. Not alot but definitely better than stayin home. So I came back as a walkin-zombie. Continued sleepin till around 10am.

To cut long story short, we randomly decided to go PD. It was super longg since me and my brother and sister had a trip together. So without mom, who was at work, dad drove us there and the whole thing made me feel lik a lil kid again. nyah. :D


Miss messin around with these chipmunks.
rawr.


PD, my all-time favorite place!


this was awkward yet the best candid of the day.
I LOOK LIKE I HAVE AWESOME CURVES MIAO!

XDDD

kk forget it.
so here are some pictures of me being in the jungle as they said.


You know, everybody thought I was suffering.
But here am I, telling the world,
it was a bliss.

Know why? cuz I have stuff like..


corn.


oat and yogurt.



glee and ice-cream.


oreo and coffee.


sardine and egg.


bunnies to play with.

and finally.


back to work.

heh.
So, it was a holiday.


And oh look,
I'm a slendergirl.

ciao.

2 days.
2 DAYS!

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Nov 11, 2012

at 8:44 AM

ANNOUNCEMENT WAHAHA

nolahh it's nothing, just for the fun of it. :3

I'm proudly announcing that I've decided to get myself quarantined for 3 days.

3 DAYS!

muahaha.

nolahh again it's nothing, just feeling proud of my bravery. :D

I'm going aunt's house aka mini palace. 

No Wifi no internet no broadband (ok they're the same thing).

Since STPM is in one week time.

Gonna spam as much these 3 days.

Leavin now, goodbye home. 

I'll be back with hair standing and swollen eyes.

mao.

P/s: oh I brought my guitar, just in case.


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Nov 7, 2012

at 12:12 AM

19th Birthday! =)

Finally decided to blog, or should I rephrase, finally I HAVE THE TIME!
I'm so not gonna break the tradition to post about my birthday :3
It brings back so much memories when I took time to read back all my birthday posts for the past 3 years, or 4. Birthdays are awesome. Not like I'm very particular with it but, each year means something, each year shows how much you've grown. =)

This year was the best of my life. That simply means my birthday gets better each year, so every year is the best if yah kno what I mean. Hees. Too much details to talk about. So since I'm darn lazy, Imma just let photos do that for me as always.


My form6 darlings gave me this a few days before my birthday.
In school's computer lab.
Made me supppppa excited.


I was right, it's chocolates!
Isn't it NOT surprising that I always know you guys so well? rawr.
Those lil Angry Birdie stickers were intentional.


Beiyimon punya 杰作.
Fuhhliao beliau boleh lukis punya oh.
Famus Amus sedap-sedap belaka, xiek oh.
=p


Chocolate. More chocolate.
My life is all about chocolate.
Sad.
But the barbie doll bag made me worse.
Heh, I'm always that little girl in her eyes.
You never once forgot my birthday.
Love you. =)



This was the biggest yet still biggest gift ever!
I'm spammin' it like nobody's business everyday since my birthday.
Even now, even now, even now!
Syiaks high ad.
:D


And THIS!
The most surprising yet most expensive one. (I suppose)
It's no normal mouse yo!
Don't jelly yah (hehehehehe)
kiddin, not braggin k. =)
but like finally, I don't have to use a mouse with no clickin sound nymore.
thanks babe..


Together with this card.
From my miao.
My all-time-stingy-miao.
But this mouse said it all.
I was wrong.

=)

For more photos click SINI & SINI
Those are 2 different albums from different awesome photographers.
Actually you can ignore if you don't give a crap.
For my own references only. =p

Here are some awesome photos I love.

5 surprises in 2 hours.
Awesome sheets.


Surprise 1:
Why are you guys here!!


Surprise 2:
WHY ARE YOU HERE!!!


Surprise 3:
omg Baskin Robins...


Surprise 4:
OMG SO HEAVY!


Surprise 5:
seriously, RAZER MOUSE?!

Heh =p


ini cute.


(2 fellas are missin. the oldest and the youngest. wops o.o)

They're crazy.
I love them all the same.


Can't thank you guys more.
I didn't get a lot, but I had all I wanted.


Somebody still owes me something. She's somewhere in the universe, location: unknown. Estimated to be back home in urm.. *calculating..72hours. oh *recalculating.. Wait, screw hours. About 3 days that is. hehe..can't wait. can't wait. =))

Right, that's all for now. No more thank-you's from me k, I know it's getting annoying. And saying thank you and name this a thank you post is lame sheet. 

But still, thank you.

Jo,
the lame sheet.
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