Jan 30, 2013

at 11:23 PM

OTW!


I look different here.
Can't tell whether it's a good or bad. That fringe was unintentional, annoying at the same time D: 
A haircut soon maybe.


So I was saying, I need a makeover.
Maybe I should just start with my lil bloggie.

:D

Gonna spend hours of finding, and codes editing. Just what I used to do back then heh. No promises thou, I might just give up half way and stay with this. OMG CAN'T BELIEVE I EVEN SAID THAT. 

Well so I heard tomorrow's the last day for us to apply for uni. Screw that crap, I couldn't even fill the forms properly. Or I heard also it was just Google Chrome. Truth is I never thought of that, should've just tried with mozilla (aka my ex)..


Looooooook at this. It's finally time for my last dose of HPV vaccine. Sigh I have injection phobia since young. What's worse, tomorrow I'm going to the clinic alone. GG nobody was willing to wait for me till I finish work. Sadz. Just pray that it doesn't give any side effect. And I pray O pray, that the pain after that will be even lesser than an ant-bite. The previous 2 doses did give me a good muscle-pain. Apparently they're injection it into our muscles of the upper arm. So naturally it gives you muscle weakness later.


All I need is a stoned-strong right arm tomorrow. Just tomorrow. :3

Finally another peel-off mask last night. After sooooo long. Was too busy these few months till I forgot to keep myself pretty. bwahaha. I looked in the mirror yesterday and got shocked of all the blackheads and pores and dry skin. I forgot how long I stopped paying attention to my face. Sigh so before it's too late I did a lil favor for myself.



It's just so sad that my HTC cam is so sheeetey, can't show how bad is that FACE. But anyway I'm back for you lil one. Thanks for the reminder in that mirror. Beheh.

Tomorrow night will be my first dance class. I started Youtube so many years back and it indeed was an eye-opener. Apart from all other vids like music and comedy and cartoons and commercials, dance vids have been my fav and I've fallen in love eversince. Never have I thought that one day, I'd be able to learn like them too. That one day, I could dance like them too. So Imma appreciate it. Yey. (:



I think I was at Vincci. Was looking for black slacks, even S doesn't fit me. Imma kill myself soon. So gave up with the slacks, tried this floral dress instead. And as usual, I took picture without buying it.

GG why do I feel so girlish in this post.

NUUUS!
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Jan 28, 2013

at 10:27 PM

Was it me or you.

Those were the days.
Where I thought I really cared.
But now I realized I was just afraid.

Those were the days.
Where I thought I really liked.
But now I realized I was annoyed.

Those were the days.
Where I thought I really wanted.
But now I realized I was lying to myself.

Those were the days.
Where I was tolerating.
Now I realized I was too stupid.

Those were the days.
Where I trusted you too much.
Now I realized I was wrong.

I wonder how did those words come out from my mouth.
Now when I think of them they make me puke.
No you don't worth.
I thought you do but you showed me otherwise.

I'm waiting for that one day till you realized.
Life goes on, you're hanging there for too long.

I was too innocent.

Every time pastor preaches about forgiveness,
I ll tell myself 'well done Joey, you're not holding any grudges.' 
And I always wonder to myself why is forgiveness so hard to some people.

Now I understand.
Here comes the day for me, to learn about forgiveness.

I forgive you.
And you better not cross any further.


But anyway, grow up.
You haven't learnt. 
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Jan 25, 2013

at 1:58 PM

:D...D:

:D


Went shopping with mom and aunt yesterday.
Seriously this was the very first time for me to shop like a boss.
REALLY REALLY!

Satisfied sia.
really really...

:DD

This dress fitted super nice, loved it max!
Cost about rm100+
was close to perfect.



The only problem is the upper part..

not big enough.
cuz ako mini..


so I didn't buy...


so I am sad.

D:
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Jan 22, 2013

at 6:16 PM

A day at work.

Sharing some not-so-quality pictures at work.
:3

Well kids are still kids, they all have different characters.
Kids are mostly innocent, we all know they're just being themselves.

Taken during their free time.


Le normal group-up gang.


Le living-in-my-own-world little girl.


Le antisocial.


Le typical gossip girls.


Le hyper.
(Oh she's a girl btw, It's okay, I too thought she was just another pretty boy at first sight.)


Le foreveralone.


And while everyone was fooling around....

..

...

....

....



Spot my boy!

He was just sitting there looking around.
Like a cute lil hamster waiting for fooooood.

BEHEHEEEE.

=DD



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Jan 20, 2013

at 8:30 PM

Being myself..

I'm all alone at home again..
Blasting music, having my meal, just going through folders and folders of photos..

Yesterday in youth service we learnt about David's life.
I have one favorite point.

Be yourself.
God made us the way we're supposed to be, we're all special in our own ways. Never, try to be like others, just to be accepted. It's just so true. 'Have confidence.' This is no co-incidence. God spoke to me and He reminded me that I'm special in His eyes..

God really is at work.
But confidence can never be built in days or weeks. It has to be developed.
And I'm working on mine.

Things were messed up these days.. I don't know how else to fix'em.
Giving up has never occurred to me. But i need to find a solution..

Then I found out, the problem has always been me myself.
I wasn't like this.
If the same thing were to happen 2 years ago, I would have acted differently..

I don't know what happened.

I held it too tight, it's sliding away..
I brought is too close, it's running away..
I guess I just have to let go a little..so that it'll come back to me..





I pray O Lord, please guide me..
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Jan 19, 2013

at 12:38 PM

Gotta be strong..

Each time I tell myself to be stronger, I get weaker.. =(

Hii, it's me.
Joey Tien, going to be 20.

I did a lot of thinking these days. Too much of thinking.
I don't want to waste time like how I used to.
These 9 months break will be long yet fast at the same time.

I guess it's really time for a makeover.
I want so many things to be changed.
Lifestyle, outfit, mindset, perspectives, personality.
Well maybe not so much on the personality cause I guess that's who you are.

=)

I've been helping out in my mum's kindergarten for years. Students come and go.. Some were so small and cute so many years back and now they're already in secondary schools. I guess all teachers understand this. That nostalgia.. Nevertheless it's still so joyful to be able to educate the kids. They build their foundation here, and when they leave, they take whatever they've learnt with them, and to the paths they choose.

I pictured myself growing up from a small girl in the same kindergarten, almost 13 years of school, and here I am deciding for my own future. I'm so glad I grew up as a Christian. I wonder how would life be without Him..really.. As I was looking back, I really have grown..and still growing.

I seriously feel like I've reached a toll. And another journey has just started. I've rested enough, it's time for another round of ride. I wonder also how many posts will it take for me to stop talking as if I'm dying. Or as if I'm so matured and all.. but no, each post like this gives me a plus, the motivation to go on, a voice that tells me to not give up.

I'm struggling so much with my choice of courses and universities. Each time I make a decision, somebody just has to come and add me another option. And there goes again the research and decision-making. I'm so blind to my own strength, so blind till I couldn't identify them.

I always wanted to do things that I love, cause they just keep me going. But I can't neglect the fact that I'm living in reality, not fairy tale. I can't comb my hair in the dungeon till the prince rescue me; I can't live forever sewing with a bunch of talking animals; neither can I be living forever with loving parents that provide everything till I die.. Those are crap. So I have to be wise.

I grew up being taught in such a way that nothing comes easy. You work for what you want. I stopped getting pocket money since form 4, I learnt to save and buy things I want. So many people have been complimenting me for being independent. Thanks, I take them, but I don't boast them. Not even now. Cause that's when I praise God and give Him all the glory.. He's taught me to appreciate things, so I've learnt how.

I'm 20. People says it's quarter of life.
So when a quarter is passed, I reflect, I regret, I rearrange.

At the same time, I wish for the same for him.
We're in different lands, but we pray to the same God.
I want us both to grow together, to experience things in different ways.
So when the time comes for us both to meet again, we share different views, we share different experiences, and we'll share our lives together forever.. =)

Till then, time waits for no man.
I'm not giving up!

I think of you
Every single moment.
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Jan 10, 2013

at 4:34 PM

Ako boleh tungguuuuuu! :3


Last haircut with him before he left.

Rawr.

Went ice skating with him and Helen around noon, a small girl who actually talks like a boss. Kinda scary to me sometimes. :3 behehe oh well. Then I went saloon with him about evening. Finally a haircut babe. I'm so proud of your bravery T__T bahaha. You look just as cute before and after. x)

The airport part wasn't as emotional as I thought it would be, like some drama you watch where the girl will cry like the guy's dying. Those kind. Ye know. :3 

After that, his dad sent me all the way home. How sweet. Suddenly on the way home uncle said he's hungry, so we went for mcD drive-thru. He got me a double cheeseburger, and prosperity for himself. lol. Enjoyed the whole conversation with him, and realized he's actually not that scary as he seems. =p 

Reached home about 12am, and went to bed missing baby..


Distance has always been our only issue.
We've gone thru miles together.
And this time, it all will work just the same.
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Jan 8, 2013

at 10:40 PM

Life, oh life.

I'm so blessed. With so many things.
I just sometimes forgot to appreciate and complain what goes wrong instead.

Anyway I've started to work again for exactly a week now. Praise God for all the students he provided, and life's not as tough now. =) Mom's kindergarten has less kids this year, the way they wanted it to be. Not as much income but easier to teach, they said. 

For just this one week itself we already had 2 kids peed in their pants, one vomited 3 days in a row cuz cried too much wanting to go home, other than that we had a few crybabies, and the rest were just fine. 

I worked here in 2011 too before I got my SPM results. It really just seems like yesterday.. My fav 4-year-old Ven Hao that I used to brag in my blog 2 years ago, is now 6 years old. Man..he's still so smart and cute and handsome and...so EVERYTHING T____T


4 years old, 2011.


6 years old, 2013.

It's actually a lil odd to type 2013. But nevermind, need to get used to it. Just shows how fast time can really fly without you noticing. I've been really busy with form6.

....

I don't even know how I survived form6..

That also tells me that the coming 2 years can also be super fast..

GGGGGG, do I really have to mention '2 years' in every post..isn't that annoying..I wonder how would I feel 2 years later when I read all my old posts. GG there we go again.

Yesterday was baby's 20th birthday. Glad to have celebrated it with him and his friends. He really was touched.. =) That strange feeling when I see him so happy. That just melted me sia..hehe.. Who wouldn't be happy also to be with somebody so awesomely awesome, like him. RIGHT OR NOT?! 

:3


one day, baby.
we'll be like this, sitting together gazing at the moon.

Just maybe not in that outfit.

Behehehe.

Why oh why,
does PMS have to come now..



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Jan 2, 2013

at 3:45 PM

7 days.

Each day is a day closer to saying goodbye. Water seems to leak from my eyes so much easier these days. Like, literally.

Baby is flying off to US in exactly a week time. I'm not ready yet to say bye. Each time I think of it, my eyes turn red, immediately. I had enough of people telling me it's okay, it's fast, don't worry etc etc. How many actually understand my fear and worries. Fear of being lonely. Fear of not being able to talk to him when i miss him. Fear of him not being around..

I have to stop thinking crap.
I have to stop being sad in front of him and just enjoy our days left together in Msia. It's a new life altogether for him, something that he has been waiting for so long, his dreams, his future, the things that he really love. And my part, is to be supportive and love the things he love too.

As much as I want to be excited, I'm also dying inside wishing that he could stay. But God opened doors for him, and there he went.

I'm uncertain of my own paths. I have bunch of thinking to do, things to plan and complete. But I can't start any of'em with my situation now. I can't even focus on gaming, because every little thing just keep reminding me about him.

I'm really sad.
Maybe I shouldn't send him off next week.
I can't bear to see him turn and leave, and disappear from my sight.
Cause that very scene is gonna haunt me for long.

Joey ah Joey, be strong okay..

=')
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Can I just be honest?

Hi guys, happy new year aite. =)
It's another year to fight for.

I had so many thoughts these days in shower. Tears were shed, memories were traced. I just have a feeling that I've grown in every way but spiritually. What a shame.

Wasn't it a year of change? I failed the test and I'm feeling ashamed of myself. I used to be stronger with more persistence. I sometimes really hope I can teleport to a lonely island for a period of time. Nobody knows, nobody will realize I'm gone.

'人越大,烦恼越多' God allows pain and sorrow to happen. God allows failure and rebelliousness. I had all of them, and I refused to take up the first step of change. Again it contributes to my rebelliousness. People fail, which is normal, but I don't want to use that as an excuse.

I never understand God's mercy and grace. Pastors and leaders tell us to be grateful for His mercy and grace and so we all did. But I realized I only do it for the sake of it and never understand it deep enough. Until I reflected on my own life for 2012, I have broken my promises to God. I compromised too much, I took His grace for granted. Come to think of it, I really don't understand God deep enough. Shame on myself as a leader.

'By faith we believe, His best we receive' I still really love this church theme. God never fail men, so when He says best, it's the best. Prob is how deep is our faith in God?


My only resolution this year, 
is to rely on God and not on my own understanding. 
That's all I wanted.

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