Jan 2, 2013

at 12:35 AM

Can I just be honest?

Hi guys, happy new year aite. =)
It's another year to fight for.

I had so many thoughts these days in shower. Tears were shed, memories were traced. I just have a feeling that I've grown in every way but spiritually. What a shame.

Wasn't it a year of change? I failed the test and I'm feeling ashamed of myself. I used to be stronger with more persistence. I sometimes really hope I can teleport to a lonely island for a period of time. Nobody knows, nobody will realize I'm gone.

'人越大,烦恼越多' God allows pain and sorrow to happen. God allows failure and rebelliousness. I had all of them, and I refused to take up the first step of change. Again it contributes to my rebelliousness. People fail, which is normal, but I don't want to use that as an excuse.

I never understand God's mercy and grace. Pastors and leaders tell us to be grateful for His mercy and grace and so we all did. But I realized I only do it for the sake of it and never understand it deep enough. Until I reflected on my own life for 2012, I have broken my promises to God. I compromised too much, I took His grace for granted. Come to think of it, I really don't understand God deep enough. Shame on myself as a leader.

'By faith we believe, His best we receive' I still really love this church theme. God never fail men, so when He says best, it's the best. Prob is how deep is our faith in God?


My only resolution this year, 
is to rely on God and not on my own understanding. 
That's all I wanted.

Reactions:

2 comments:

RuYen said...

"My only resolution this year,
is to rely on God and not on my own understanding.
That's all I wanted."

Love this! Jia you (:

MidnightGurl said...

thanks..you jiayou also k =)..

 

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