Jan 19, 2013

at 12:38 PM

Gotta be strong..

Each time I tell myself to be stronger, I get weaker.. =(

Hii, it's me.
Joey Tien, going to be 20.

I did a lot of thinking these days. Too much of thinking.
I don't want to waste time like how I used to.
These 9 months break will be long yet fast at the same time.

I guess it's really time for a makeover.
I want so many things to be changed.
Lifestyle, outfit, mindset, perspectives, personality.
Well maybe not so much on the personality cause I guess that's who you are.


I've been helping out in my mum's kindergarten for years. Students come and go.. Some were so small and cute so many years back and now they're already in secondary schools. I guess all teachers understand this. That nostalgia.. Nevertheless it's still so joyful to be able to educate the kids. They build their foundation here, and when they leave, they take whatever they've learnt with them, and to the paths they choose.

I pictured myself growing up from a small girl in the same kindergarten, almost 13 years of school, and here I am deciding for my own future. I'm so glad I grew up as a Christian. I wonder how would life be without Him..really.. As I was looking back, I really have grown..and still growing.

I seriously feel like I've reached a toll. And another journey has just started. I've rested enough, it's time for another round of ride. I wonder also how many posts will it take for me to stop talking as if I'm dying. Or as if I'm so matured and all.. but no, each post like this gives me a plus, the motivation to go on, a voice that tells me to not give up.

I'm struggling so much with my choice of courses and universities. Each time I make a decision, somebody just has to come and add me another option. And there goes again the research and decision-making. I'm so blind to my own strength, so blind till I couldn't identify them.

I always wanted to do things that I love, cause they just keep me going. But I can't neglect the fact that I'm living in reality, not fairy tale. I can't comb my hair in the dungeon till the prince rescue me; I can't live forever sewing with a bunch of talking animals; neither can I be living forever with loving parents that provide everything till I die.. Those are crap. So I have to be wise.

I grew up being taught in such a way that nothing comes easy. You work for what you want. I stopped getting pocket money since form 4, I learnt to save and buy things I want. So many people have been complimenting me for being independent. Thanks, I take them, but I don't boast them. Not even now. Cause that's when I praise God and give Him all the glory.. He's taught me to appreciate things, so I've learnt how.

I'm 20. People says it's quarter of life.
So when a quarter is passed, I reflect, I regret, I rearrange.

At the same time, I wish for the same for him.
We're in different lands, but we pray to the same God.
I want us both to grow together, to experience things in different ways.
So when the time comes for us both to meet again, we share different views, we share different experiences, and we'll share our lives together forever.. =)

Till then, time waits for no man.
I'm not giving up!

I think of you
Every single moment.

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