May 30, 2013

at 12:15 AM

Thank you, insecurities.

I'm starting to feel so awful of myself these days.
For some reasons everything just started to turn from bad to worse.

I wonder how long will this take, wonder how am I gonna come out from it. I seem to lose everybody around me. Little by little everything gets further and further from me, and I keep getting a feeling that there will reach a time when I will lose everything I have now. Like in the end, I'll be left alone to deal with problems, to pick up every pieces and put them back together all by myself.

I'm feeling so insecure. Everyone must be so scared of me. Nobody could understand the feeling of me fighting with myself now, the feeling of wanting to break free, to be carefree, whatever.

I almost deactivate myself from Facebook just so I could disappear for a while from the cyber world and get a book to read or something. I thought like it could get me off from the social thing and help me reflect on this miserable life of mine.

I think I'll have to FORCE my damn self to STOP expecting stuff. Because they just always kill me so bad inside. Each time I'm disappointed I waste at least an hour to emo. And because too many things seem to make me emo too easily these days, I waste my days just like that by emo-ing. So freaking unproductive. I wonder what's wrong with myself. Life has so much more, but my brain can't seem to understand that.

I'm so afraid of losing.
But I'm such a loser.
I just am.


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